All the Achievements!
by marcelimnot
Summary: A humorous take on Sparrow's journey inspired by the Xbox360 achievements for Fable 2. Each chapter will start by indicating which achievements are covered inside. Work in progress. Based on video game Fable 2. I do not own the original dialogue, characters or locations from the game. This is a parody/fan story only, and is not intended to be sold or bought.
1. A Dog Trainer and a Persuader

**CHAPTER 1: A DOG TRAINER AND A PERSUADER**

 _ **The Archaeologist: Dig up something your dog has discovered, or see another Hero do so.**_

 _ **The Persuader: Convince a villager to give you a present, or see another Hero do so.**_

Sparrow was the new Hero on the block. In fact, she was the newest Hero in Albion for a couple of generations running. She had big plans for herself, for Albion, and for helping her mentor, Theresa, find the three Heroes of legend.

But first, she had to wrangle her overly helpful dog into being more socially acceptable.

Fru Fru had sniffed out something interesting. Sparrow, on the other hand, was trying to have a conversation with a villager, and discover what would induce them to give up a certain gift in their possession.

Sparrow zoned out as Fru Fru barked urgently. The villager, a man in a tailoured coat and pantaloons, looked over to the massive Auroran Shepherd and commented, 'That's a funny looking child.'

Fru Fru's yaps grew more frantic as Sparrow ascertained what was needed in order to acquire the gift: she had to be uglier.

Strange guy.

'Oh, wait, it's a dog!' exclaimed the man as Fru Fru started upending loose cobblestones near a patch of grass.

Sparrow excused herself with a quick round of 'Hat, Headband, Mustache.' What better way to say 'good evening' than randomly pitting hand gestures against one another without saying a word?

As the man ambled off in the moonlight, Sparrow said, 'Alright, Fru Fru, this had better be good.'

Sparrow checked that nobody was looking, and dug up a small hole in the verge.

There, gleaming in the moonlight, lay a rusty necklace.

Fru Fru was very proud of himself.

The next day, Sparrow did everything she could to make her generally attractive physique ugly. She shaved her head. She got hideous tattoos. She magically grew a beard. She dressed in her old, pauper clothes. Then, she went forth to find the man again.

 _'At least I didn't have to wear a chicken suit,'_ she thought.

She found the man browsing the tailours shop. He took one look at her and his expression turned to one of confusion. 'Sparrow? Why would you make yourself look so ugly?'

She realised that he had changed his mind. He would now only give the gift to someone beautiful.

Reading minds can be hard sometimes.

The tailour was so offended by Sparrow's butchering of the latest fashions that he fainted.

Outside, Fru Fru began barking. He'd found something again.

Fed up, Sparrow went outside and dug a hole. There, gleaming in the noon sun, was a bottle of durian juice.

Sparrow hated durians.

Later that day, Sparrow used the Guild Seal to ask Theresa, rather shamefacedly, if she might help undoing the damage. Theresa suggested that Sparrow might spend some time with a beard, contemplating the evils of vanity. Sparrow suggested that Theresa might want to find the Three Heroes herself. Theresa complied.

Outside the inn, the Town Crier shouted, 'Lights out!'

'Shut it!' shouted a resident of the inn, evidently woken, once again, from a sound sleep.

Outside, Fru Fru barked.

 _'Not again,'_ thought Sparrow.

There was a crash and a shout of, 'I SAID SHUT IT!'

Sparrow went outside to find Fru Fru standing near a broken flowerpot which had been propelled from an upper window. He held, in his mouth, a recently dug-up condom.

Sparrow sighed.

The next day, at the crack of dawn, or sometime shortly thereafter, the town crier shouted, 'Morning' s here!'

Sparrow heard a voice shout angrily, 'Thank you, Captain bloody Obvious!'

Sparrow rolled out of bed and sighed. With a little luck, she'd be as good as new, with a gift in her purse, and ready to play some Fortune's Tower that evening.

When Sparrow left the Cow and Corset with two strips of jerky, Fru Fru immediately barked and bolted away.

Thoroughly fed up, Sparrow followed him to a spot near the river.

She dug a hole in the location he showed her with no particular interest, letting him gnaw his jerky while she yawned sleepily.

Sparkling gently in the morning sun was a diamond.

Sparrow's jaw dropped. Fru Fru panted and wagged his tail.

'Good boy,' said Sparrow in a slightly strangled voice. She fed him a dog biscuit.

Later, decked in her finest dress, with her hair magically regrown, her old tattoos back, and a smooth, hairless chin, Sparrow found the man again. This time, he was on his way to have a look at Murgo's stall.

He took one look at Sparrow and said, 'C'mere, you. I have a present for you, gorgeous.'

She took the present and thanked him graciously, then took it back to the inn to open the gift-wrapped box.

Inside was nothing other than ... a wormy apple.

Sparrow punched the wall.

The next day, a defeated Sparrow, dressed in her regular adventuring clothes, set forth to the market to do some last-minute shopping before setting off on a quest to find the Hero of Strength.

As Sparrow perused the pie shop, considering a blueberry pie for the journey, she noticed a woman leaving the furniture shop. She realised that the woman looked like a likely contender for a gift, and sensed that it would not take much more than a friendly chat.

Sparrow went up to the woman and said, 'Isn't it a beautiful morning? I love your dress!' She gave the woman a thumbs-up.

The woman smiled. 'You've really brightened my day. Here, take this gift!' she handed a beautifully-wrapped package to Sparrow, and returned a thumbs-up.

Sparrow thanked the woman.

Suddenly, a voice began to speak from somewhere on the woman's person. 'Diane, its 11:30 A.M., February 24. I'm entering the town - '

The woman took a small seal, not unlike the Guild Seal, out of her purse, and held it close to her ear, listening as she walked away.

Sparrow looked at Fru Fru and shrugged.

Fru Fru dribbled and looked derpily at a nearby butterfly.

Sparrow opened the gift in a nearby alley. It was a gorgeous, golden, puffy, blueberry and cherry pie., still warm from the oven

'If only I'd known it could be so simple,' she said to Fru Fru.

Fru Fru barked. He'd found a dig spot.


	2. Must Love Dogs

**Must Love Dogs**

 _ **The Pooch Pamperer: Play fetch with your dog, or see another Hero's dog play.**_

 _ **The Romantic: Take a villager on a perfect date, or tag along to one. Location and expressions are all-important.**_

Sparrow loved Bowerstone Market. It was so vibrant and full of life, with its vocal town crier, varied shops and stalls, and an inn which served excellent ale. She also had a soft spot for the local signs on the shops, including the sign for _The Cow and Corset_ inn, which depicted, well, a cow in a corset.

It was also full of bridges, which was good for playing fetch.

Sparrow threw a little, red ball for Fru Fru the Auroran Shepherd. Fru Fru fetched it, golden tail waggling happily. He was fierce … and adorable.

Sparrow rinsed and repeated the action. It was kinda fun.

Fru Fru thought so, too.

Then, Sparrow decided it was time to meet Alex.

Sparrow had never met Alex. All she knew that he was a man, and that he had failed to turn up to his own wedding. She knew this because a vengeful ghost in the Rookridge region, who had been engaged to Alex when she was alive, had sent Sparrow on a quest to exact revenge from the inconstant man.

Sparrow's Hero senses were sparkling as they lead her to a seemingly nice young man. He wasn't, like the ghost had told her, the most handsome man in town, but he wasn't hideous, either.

He didn't seem to be the ghost's type, though. Whereas the ghost was clearly a noblewoman, Alex seemed middle class, if not a bit poor. Strange.

He was standing on the bridge, watching happy couples walking to and fro.

'Oh,' said Alex, realising that he was being watched, 'I didn't see you there. Isn't it amazing. All these people; they look so happy, don't they? I'm sorry, don't mind me. My name's Alex. I'm … I'm sure you're a really nice person, but … I'm not really much of a talker these days.'

Fortunately, Sparrow was not much of a talker, either, and Alex needed a listener.

 _'Ok, slow and steady wins the race',_ thought Sparrow. True love is hard to develop, after all. It takes finesse, time, and that special something.

Thanks to the ghost, Sparrow knew that Alex's favourite place in the whole world, (not including places he had never been), was the Bowerstone clock tower. She liked it herself. All those gears, the day and night symbol, the stonework … So steampunk! So chic! So interesting!

He immediately told her, 'I love this spot! It's so … romantic.'

He was suddenly in a talking mood.

Sparrow laid on the seduction moves, memorised from the book the ghost had given her. He reacted with a happy, 'I love that!'

 _'Ok, Sparrow, reel him in.'_

She handed him a bunch of freshly cut flowers.

 _'So far so-'_

'I'm the luckiest man in the world. I never thought I'd find happiness again. I never thought I'd deserve it. I … there's something I never told you.'

 _'That was creepily quick,'_ thought Sparrow. Then, she realised, _'Oh sod. I'm going to have to marry him, aren't I?'  
_ She suddenly regretted not thinking this whole quest through.

Fru Fru finished digging up a wedding ring nearby. He felt very pleased with himself.

Somewhere out there, Theresa chuckled.

Sparrow realised that Alex didn't even know what her voice sounded like. It seemed that love was more easy to find than she'd thought.

 _'Darn you, ghost. And darn my sense of duty.'_


End file.
